Transformed...Really?

Transformed... Really?

Someone came up to me yesterday and said, "I have watched you and seen you blossom" I was humbled. You see I hear my own head say, (well actually it's the enemies voice) telling me differently.  I think the reason I was surprised is because I've been walking through a difficult, heart wrenching time.   Questioning God about my very existence here on this earth; And for months could not even set my feet on the floor each morning without crying out "Jesus help me, I need you"
If you've read my blog at all, then you know my husband got promoted to heaven nine months ago. While I am still here with a destiny to fulfill, and only God knows what that is. It seems I am on a treasure hunt, and as I follow the map searching for clues, arriving at each destination, I discover yet another clue.  I press on, searching ...and searching... and searching... clue after clue. Along the way He assures me I am getting closer and to not give up. And one thing I am sure of is that I need to keep reading the map so I do not get off course.
As I press on, seeking God and His face, I think of Moses (Exodus 34:29-30) and I too want to reflect more of God and less of me. But we need to be prepared because once you taste the sweetness of His presence nothing else will satisfy. Gods' word tells us the very moment we draw near to Him, the living presence of God Himself is drawing near to us (James 4:8) "Be still....Be still....Be still.... And as you come before Him you will be transformed. Be persistent, don't give up! 
So just what is coming before Him? All I can tell you is what I have experienced. And for me it was out of pure desperation I began to seek in a different way than ever before. Merely because I could not take one more step in my life situation without the supernatural power of God. I sat with Him every morning sometimes for hours, not even getting dressed and began to ask Him all the questions I needed answers to. Like why did He heal our pastor and didn't heal Mike? Didn't I need my husband too? Why after 10 years of standing and believing Mike was healed and whole, did he die? Was my faith not good enough? Did He love our pastor more than my husband? Could I actually live without my sweetheart and be ok? On and on for months we met together for coffee and I cried in His arms and laughed and sang and yelled and kicked and even screamed! So what is the outcome of all these past nine months? I cannot tell you exactly, but what I can say is that today I still have the treasure map open, I have not reached the end or found "THEE TREASURE." However, I know I am being transformed little by little and I love treasure hunts! I feel like a kid again walking down the road hand in hand with the sweetest guy in the world...Jesus. 
Blessings, Terry
Scripture References
Exodus 34:29-30
James 4:8

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